Last week, we talked about asking strangers for help. This week, we'll discuss a subject that can be just as emotionally charged: asking family and friends for help. On the surface, it seems it would be easier to ask those who know and love you for help, but it isn't always that simple.
Sometimes having RA means being unable to do the things you used to. Simple tasks like standing up from the dinner table and bringing your dish to the sink used to be routine activities, but with RA, they can be a real challenge. You may have to reach out to family and friends, which can involve taking emotional and psychological risks. It's never easy to feel like you're dependent on others for help.
You need to be honest with people about your RA. A friend of mine who has RA once told me, “I have learned to ask for help, although it is difficult after having kept my discomfort to myself for such a long time. But give your loved ones credit, because chances are they want to help you more than you know.”
Your loved ones may also be struggling with the changes that RA has brought into your life. They may be equally uncomfortable with the reality that you have a chronic disease. These changes make the disease very real for everyone. Friends and family may be uncertain about how much to offer help, and may worry about offending you by assuming you need help. Take the lead and let them know how much and what kind of help you need. Be direct and specific, and strive for as much independence as you can.
You can start by making a list of the tasks you could use some help with—maybe things like opening jars, cleaning the kitchen, or pumping gas. If your loved ones know ahead of time how they can help, they are much more likely to be responsive when the situation arises. By getting what you need, you can avoid feeling frustrated and angry. We often expect our loved ones to be mind readers, but being up front can save a lot of aggravation later.
Your RA can affect the way your family life and friendships work. But being specific, considerate, and appreciative goes a long way towards building more positive relationships.
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Wellness Weekly Column
by Manette LaChance | RISE Fitness and Wellness Expert
> Manette's bio
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About This Column
Here you'll find advice on how to take a more comprehensive approach toward managing your rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Keep in mind, this column is intended to advise you on how to complement your treatment, not replace it. Please consult your doctor to determine what advice may be right for you.
Featured Article
Here you'll find advice on how to take a more comprehensive approach toward managing your rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Keep in mind, this column is intended to advise you on how to complement your treatment, not replace it. Please consult your doctor to determine what advice may be right for you.
Asking for Help: Part 2
Family and Friends
May 14, 2008
Managing Pain and Stress
